I really do not hope to post it here, but this blog has been my secret chamber that no one could really find out about my feelings. In facebook, i do hope to post some status which are related to my feelings, my moods, when i'm happy and when i'm not. Yet it will not be a safe place for me to post anymore as my parents, sisters, uncles, cousins are all using fb, i don't wish to let them to have even a slight chance to look into my inner secret. I'm always being a cheerful and joyous one in front of them, i do not wish to crush their impression towards me. Today i am really unhappy, if not i would not be writing here until i really couldn't bear it in heart anymore. There's no one for me to talk about, and i don't know whom can i look for. Today i went to 1U with families, and watch a movie which is absolutely not interesting. I just criticize it to my dad but i get a scold from him, because this is the movie he wanted to watch, so he couldn't tolerate with anyone who is criticizing it. and this really ruined my mood after all. And when i told him i'm going out tomorrow to celebrate my friends birthday, he started to nag me again. He said what my friends all are so rich, those who are poor definitely will not be joining us, and keep on nagging and asking me not to be so spendthrift. I'm not ok!! I don't even get money from u all when i'm going out with my friends, i spend on budget and i know when to spend and vice versa. Don't always look at me or harbour me in that way. It is not a good feeling but the other way round, it causes me heartache.
Another matter, i think i'm getting more and more timid to voice out to u. I can really feel that u are bs-ing with what i said in the way u type to me. I am just too frighten to tell u my opinion. What should i do?
Pls, i just hope to be strong and tough, be independent, not to be always influenced by others. Do not always care or feel sad with someone or treating someone so good yet they might already forgotten me. Like what my friend told me, i should accept the fact and go on with my own life. I should really live my life to the fullest without being affected by others. I really hope i can do these all by my own, but for now, i don't think i could =[
I'm feeling much more better after pouring everything out right here...
1 comment:
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